if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
