Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
