Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
