The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
