it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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