I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
