I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Come on in and take your pants off
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