I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
