I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
