your thong is hanging out like whoa
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
