I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
