I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
