I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize