Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
