Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
