I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
