holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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