Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
