you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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