I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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