Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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