So drunk its hurt
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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