I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's rum buckets o'clock
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
