If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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