Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
