She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
