my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
