PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize