I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
