She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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