if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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