i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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