I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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