So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
