U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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