He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
