yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Houston, we have a squirter
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
