just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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