Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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