Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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