you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
