I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
