It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
