I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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