Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
