so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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