She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
