in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
