Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
