Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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