Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
