jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
