when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
