am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
