i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
