I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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