Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
