how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
