I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize