i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
