Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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