the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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