I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize