it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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