I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
