I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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