I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
