Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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