Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
