I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
