I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
