he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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