I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
