In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
