you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize