im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
