ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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