sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
