I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize