just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
