Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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