you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
