It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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