talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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