Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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