my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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