i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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